The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

5.8/1023 min read

8/20/18

  • The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become

  • Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant

  • What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?is arms around the horse's neck and burst into tears

  • Nietzsche leaving his hotel in Turin. Seeing a horse and a coachman beating it with a whip, Nietzsche went up to the horse and, before the coachman's very eyes, put

  • not knowing what he wanted was actually quite natural

  • We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare

  • it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come

  • We live everything as it comes, without warning

  • What happens but once, says the German adage, might as well not have happened at all. If we have only one life to live,we might as well not have lived at all

  • Pity connotes a certain condescension towards the sufferer. To take pity on a woman means that we are better off than she, that we stoop to her level, lower ourselves

  • Compassion means: we cannot look on coolly as others suffer; or, we sympathize with those who suffer

  • A person who longs to leave the place where he lives is an unhappy person

  • There is nothing heavier than compassion

  • only necessity is heavy, and only what is heavy has value

  • Es muss sein = Fate

  • Any schoolboy can do experiments in the physics laboratory to test various scientific hypotheses. But man, because he has only one life to live, cannot conduct experiments to test whether to follow his passion (compassion) or not

  • it was only a matter of chance that Tereza loved him and not his friend Z

  • Apart from her consummated love for Tomas, there were, in the realm of possibility, an infinite number of unconsummated loves for other men

  • We all reject out of hand the idea that the love of our life may be something light or weightless; we presume our love is what must be, that without it our life would no longer be the same; we feel that Beethoven himself, gloomy and awe-inspiring, is playing the Es muss sein! to our own great love

  • A long time ago, man would listen in amazement to the sound of regular beats in his chest, never suspecting what they were. He was unable to identify himself with so alien and unfamiliar an object as the body. The body was a cage, and inside that cage was something which looked, listened, feared, thought, and marveled; that something, that remainder left over after the body had been accounted for, was the soul

  • Es muss sein! (It must be so), but rather Es konnte auch anders sein (It could just as well be otherwise)

  • scold

  • The soul is nothing more than the gray matter of the brain in action

  • Make someone who has fallen in love listen to his stomach rumble, and the unity of body and soul, that lyrical illusion of the age of science, instantly fades away

  • Tereza tried to see herself through her body. That is why, from girlhood on, she would stand before the mirror so often. And because she was afraid her mother would catch her at it, every peek into the mirror had a tinge of secret vice

  • It was not vanity that drew her to the mirror; it was amazement at seeing her own I. She forgot she was looking at the instrument panel of her body mechanisms; she thought she saw her soul shining through the features of her face. She forgot that the nose was merely the nozzle of a hose that took oxygen to the lungs; she saw it as the true expression of her nature

  • She took after her mother, and not only physically. I sometimes have the feeling that her entire life was merely a continuation of her mother's, much as the course of a ball on the billiard table is merely the continuation of the player's arm movement

  • Being a mother meant sacrificing everything

  • It was a longing to be a body unlike other bodies, to find that the surface of her face reflected the crew of the soul charging up from below. It was not an easy task: her soul—her sad, timid, self- effacing soul—lay concealed in the depths of her bowels and was ashamed to show itself

  • Chance and chance alone has a message for us. Everything that occurs out of necessity, everything expected, repeated day in and day out, is mute. Only chance can speak to us

  • Necessity knows no magic formulae—they are all left to chance

  • Fate will excite you

  • It may well be those few fortuities (quite modest, by the way, even drab, just what one would expect from so lackluster a town) which set her love in motion and provided her with a source of energy she had not yet exhausted at the end of her days

  • It was the call of all those fortuities (the book, Beethoven, the number six, the yellow park bench) which gave her the courage to leave home and change her fate

  • Our day-to-day life is bombarded with fortuities or, to be more precise, with the accidental meetings of people and events we call coincidences. Co-incidence means that two events unexpectedly happen at the same time, they meet

  • We do not even notice the great majority of such coincidences

  • Human lives are composed like music

  • Guided by his sense of beauty, an individual transforms a fortuitous occurrence (Beethoven's music, death under a train) into a motif, which then assumes a permanent place in the composition of the individual's life. Anna could have chosen another way to take her life. Without realizing it, the individual composes his life according to the laws of beauty even in times of greatest distress

  • Chide: scold

  • It is wrong, then, to chide the novel for being fascinated by mysterious coincidences (like the meeting of Anna, Vronsky, the railway station, and death or the meeting of Beethoven, Tomas, Tereza, and the cognac), but it is right to chide man for being blind to such coincidences in his daily life. For he thereby deprives his life of a dimension of beauty

  • Autodidact: http://google.com/search?q=Autodidact

  • The difference between the university graduate and the autodidact lies not so much in the extent of knowledge as in the extent of vitality and self-confidence

  • Vertigo is the fear of falling

  • Vertigo is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves

  • Anachronistic: http://google.com/search?q=Anachronistic

  • She felt attracted to weakness because she was weak herself

  • Being in a foreign country means walking a tightrope high above the ground without the net afforded a person by the country where he has his family, colleagues, and friends, and where he can easily say what he has to say in a language he has known from childhood

  • When the strong were too weak to hurt the weak, the weak had to be strong enough to leave

  • It was vertigo. A heady, insuperable longing to fall

  • We might also call vertigo the intoxication of the weak. Aware of his weakness, a man decides to give in rather than stand up to it. He is drunk with weakness, wishes to grow even weaker, wishes to fall down in the middle of the main square in front of everybody, wishes to be down, lower than down

  • The responsibility, she felt, seemed to require more strength than she could muster

  • No, it was not superstition, it was a sense of beauty that cured her of her depression and imbued her with a new will to live. The birds of fortuity had alighted once more on her shoulders. There were tears in her eyes, and she was unutterably happy to hear him breathing at her side

  • What we have not chosen we cannot consider either our merit or our failure

  • From tender youth we are told by father and teacher that betrayal is the most heinous offense imaginable. But what is betrayal? Betrayal means breaking ranks. Betrayal means breaking ranks and going off into the unknown

  • Noise has one advantage. It drowns out words

  • If you're looking for infinity, just close your eyes

  • 'Beauty by mistake'—the final phase in the history of beauty

  • When a society is rich, its people don't need to work with their hands; they can devote themselves to activities of the spirit. We have more and more universities and more and more students. If students are going to earn degrees, they've got to come up with dissertation topics. And since dissertations can be written about everything under the sun, the number of topics is infinite. Sheets of paper covered with words pile up in archives sadder than cemeteries, because no one ever visits them not even on All Souls' Day. Culture is perishing in overproduction, in an avalanche of words, in the madness of quantity. That's why one banned book in your former country means infinitely more than the billions of words spewed out by our universities

  • Bohemia: http://google.com/search?q=Bohemia

  • No matter how brutal life becomes, peace always reigns

  • Her ability to transform

  • Everything she experienced was a sign of true vitality

  • Marie-Claude proclaimed Sabina's pendant ugly because she could afford to do so.

  • Or to be more precise: Marie-Claude proclaimed Sabina's pendant ugly to make it clear that she could afford to tell Sabina her pendant was ugly

  • Vanity: http://google.com/search?q=Vanity

  • The only people in the pews were old men and old women, because they did not fear the regime. They feared only death

  • Church helps people not die

  • There are things that can be accomplished only by violence. Physical love is unthinkable without violence

  • What does it mean to live in truth? Putting it negatively is easy enough: it means not lying, not hiding, and not dissimulating

  • Living in truth, lying neither to ourselves nor to others, was possible only away from the public: the moment someone keeps an eye on what we do, allowances for that eye, and nothing we do is truthful

  • Having a public, keeping a public in mind, means living in lies

  • A man who loses his privacy loses everything

  • A man who gives it up of his own free will is a monster

  • The division of life into private and public spheres is the source of all lies: a person is one thing in private and something quite different in public

  • The eyes are windows to the soul

  • What must be must be. Do not oppose it

  • Love is a battle and I plan to go on fighting

  • A concentration camp is a world in which people live crammed together con- stantly, night and day. Brutality and violence are merely secondary (and not in the least indispensable) characteristics. A concentration camp is the complete obliteration of privacy

  • The only truly serious questions are ones that even a child can formulate. Only the most naive of questions are truly serious. They are the questions with no answers. A question with no answer is a barrier that cannot be breached. In other words, it is questions with no answers that set the limits of human possibilities, describe the boundaries of human existence

  • What is flirtation? One might say that it is behavior leading another to believe that sexual intimacy is possible, while preventing that possibility from becoming a certainty. In other words, flirting is a promise of sexual intercourse without a guarantee

  • Loves are like empires: when the idea they are founded on crumbles, they, too, fade away.

  • The criminal regimes were made not by criminals but by enthusiasts convinced they had discovered the only road to paradise. They defended that road so valiantly that they were forced to execute many people. Later it became clear that there was no paradise, that the enthusiasts were therefore murderers

  • Did they really not know or were they merely making believe?

  • Whether they knew or didn't know is not the main issue; the main issue is whether a man is innocent because he didn't know. Is a fool on the throne relieved of all responsibility merely because he is a fool?

  • How defenseless we are in the face of flattery!

  • When you sit face to face with someone who is pleasant, respectful, and polite, you have a hard time reminding yourself that nothing he says is true, that nothing is sincere. Maintaining nonbelief (constantly, systematically, without the slightest vacillation) requires a tremendous effort and the proper training—in other words, frequent polic interrogations

  • What remains of life when a person rejects what he previously considered his mission

  • The individual I is what differs from the common stock, that is, what cannot be guessed at or calculated, what must be unveiled, uncovered, conquered

  • There was nothing more difficult to capture than the human I

  • Using numbers, we might say that there is one-millionth part dissimilarity to nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine millionths parts similarity

  • Only in sexuality does the millionth part dissimilarity become precious, because, not accessible in public, it must be conquered

  • Men who pursue a multitude of women fit neatly into two categories. Some seek their own subjective and unchanging dream of a woman in all women. Others are prompted by a desire to possess the endless variety of the objective female world

  • The obsession of the former is lyrical: what they seek in women is themselves, their ideal, and since an ideal is by definition something that can never be found, they are disappointed again and again

  • The obsession of the latter is epic, and women see nothing the least bit touching in it: the man projects no subjective ideal on women, and since everything interests him, nothing can disappoint him. This inability to be disappointed has something scandalous about it. The obsession of the epic womanizer strikes people as lacking in redemption

  • Metaphors are dangerous. Love begins with a metaphor. Which is to say, love begins at the point when a woman enters her first word into our poetic memory

  • Ideas can save lives

  • We don't call for punishment to be inflicted; we call for it to cease

  • There was only one criterion for all his decisions: he must do nothing that could harm her

  • Tomas could not save political prisoners, but he could make Tereza happy. He could not really succeed in doing even that. But if he signed the petition, he could be fairly certain that she would have more frequent visits from undercover agents, and that her hands would tremble more and more

  • He was not at all sure he was doing the right thing, but he was sure he was doing what he wanted to do

  • Characters are not born like people, of woman; they are born of a situation, a sentence, a metaphor containing in a nutshell a basic human possibility that the author thinks no one else has discovered or said something essential about. But isn't it true that an author can write only about himself? Staring impotently across a courtyard, at a loss for what to do; hearing the pertinacious rumbling of one's own stomach during a moment of love; betraying, yet lacking the will to abandon the glamorous path of betrayal; raising one's fist with the crowds in the Grand March; displaying one's wit before hidden microphones—I have known all these situations, I have experienced them myself, yet none of them has given rise to the person my curriculum vitae and I represent. The characters in my novels are my own unrealized possibilities. That is why I am equally fond of them all and equally horrified by them. Each one has crossed a border that I myself have circumvented. It is that crossed border (the border beyond which my own I ends) which attracts me most. For beyond that border begins the secret the novel asks about. The novel is not the author's confession; it is an investigation of human life in the trap the world has become

  • Is it right to raise one's voice when others are being silenced? Yes

  • Is it better to shout and thereby hasten the end, or to keep silent and gain thereby a slower death?

  • Human life occurs only once, and the reason we cannot determine which of our decisions are good and which bad is that in a given situation we can make only one decision; we are not granted a second, third, or fourth life in which to compare various decisions

  • If Czech history could be repeated, we should of course find it desirable to test the other possibility each time and compare the results. Without such an experiment, all considerations of this kind remain a game of hypotheses

  • Einmal ist keinmal. What happens but once might as well not have happened at all

  • History is as light as individual human life, unbearably light, light as a feather, as dust swirling into the air, as whatever will no longer exist tomorrow

  • Tomas thought of the tall, stooped editor. That man acted as though history were a finished picture rather than a sketch. He acted as though everything he did were to be repeated endlessly, to return eternally, without the slightest doubt about his actions. He was convinced he was right, and for him that was a sign not of narrowmindedness but of virtue. Yes, that man lived in a history different from Tomas's: a history that was not (or did not realize it was) a sketch

  • Somewhere out in space there was a planet where all people would be born again. They would be fully aware of the life they had spent on earth and of all the experience they had amassed here.

  • And perhaps there was still another planet, where we would all be born a third time with the experience of our first two lives.

  • And perhaps there were yet more and more planets, where mankind would be born one degree (one life) more mature.

  • That was Tomas's version of eternal return

  • Of course we here on earth (planet number one, the planet of inexperience) can only fabricate vague fantasies of what will happen to man on those other planets. Will he be wiser? Is maturity within man's power? Can he attain it through repetition?

  • An optimist is someone who thinks that on planet number five the history of mankind will be less bloody. A pessimist is one who thinks otherwise

  • There's nothing to be ashamed of! It's perfectly normal for our paths not to cross. There's nothing to get upset about! I'm glad to see you!

  • Nature is the same as it always was

  • Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost

  • There was pleasure in Paradise, but no excitement

  • Long live life!

  • When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object

  • The aesthetic ideal of the categorical agreement with being is a world in which shit is denied and everyone acts as though it did not exist. This aesthetic ideal is called kitsch

  • Kitsch is the aesthetic ideal of all politicians and all political parties and movements

  • Anyone who starts doubting details will end by doubting life itself

  • Kitsch is a folding screen set up to curtain off death

  • For none among us is superman enough to escape kitsch completely. No matter how we scorn it, kitsch is an integral part of the human condition

  • Political movements rest not so much on rational attitudes as on the fantasies, images, words, and archetypes that come together to make up this or that political kitsch

  • A husband's funeral is a wife's true wedding

  • Man was not the planet's master, merely its administrator, and therefore eventually responsible for his administration

  • There's no particular merit in being nice to one's fellow man. She had to treat the other villagers decently, because otherwise she couldn't live there

  • We can never establish with certainty what part of our relations with others is the result of our emotions—love, antipathy, charity, or malice— and what part is predetermined by the constant power play among individuals

  • True human goodness, in all its purity and freedom, can come to the fore only when its recipient has no power. Mankind's true moral test, its fundamental test (which lies deeply buried from view), consists of its attitude towards those who are at its mercy: animals. And in this respect mankind has suffered a fundamental debacle, a debacle so fundamental that all others stem from it

  • Seeing a horse and a coachman beating it with a whip, Nietzsche went up to the horse and, before the coachman's very eyes, put his arms around the horse's neck and burst into tears

  • Nietzsche was trying to apologize to the horse for Descartes. His lunacy (that is, his final break with mankind) began at the very moment he burst into tears over the horse

  • Instead of thinking about yourself all the time, you might at least have some consideration for him

  • Life in Paradise was not like following a straight line to the unknown; it was not an adventure. It moved in a circle among known objects. Its monotony bred happiness, not boredom

  • As long as people lived in the country, in nature, surrounded by domestic animals, in the bosom of regularly recurring seasons, they retained at least a glimmer of that paradisiac idyll

  • Now we are longtime outcasts, Hying through the emptiness of time in a straight line. Yet somewhere deep down a thin thread still ties us to that far-off misty Paradise. The longing for Paradise is man's longing not to be man

  • In Paradise man was not yet man. Or to be more precise, man had not yet been cast out on man's path

  • Karenin knew nothing about the duality of body and soul and had no concept of disgust. That is why Tereza felt so free and easy with him. (And that is why it is so dangerous to turn an animal into a machina animata, a cow into an automaton for the production of milk. By so doing, man cuts the thread binding him to Paradise and has nothing left to hold or comfort him on his flight through the emptiness of time.)

  • The love that tied her to Karenin was better than the love between her and Tomas. Better, not bigger. Tereza did not wish to fault either Tomas or herself; she did not wish to claim that they could love each other more. Her feeling was rather that, given the nature of the human couple, the love of man and woman is a priori inferior to that which can exist (at least in the best instances) in the love between man and dog, that oddity of human history probably unplanned by the Creator

  • It is a completely selfless love: Tereza did not want anything of Karenin; she did not ever ask him to love her back. Nor had she ever asked herself the questions that plague human couples: Does he love me? Does he love anyone more than me? Does he love me more than I love him? Perhaps all the questions we ask of love, to measure, test, probe, and save it, have the additional effect of cutting it short. Perhaps the reason we are unable to love is that we yearn to be loved, that is, we demand something (love) from our partner instead of delivering ourselves up to him demand-free and asking for nothing but his company

  • Tereza accepted Karenin for what he was; she did not try to make him over in her image; she agreed from the outset with his dog's life, did not wish to deprive him of it, did not envy him his secret intrigues. The reason she trained him was not to transform him (as a husband tries to reform his wife and a wife her husband), but to provide him with the elementary language that enabled them to communicate and live together

  • No one forced her to love Karenin; love for dogs is voluntary. (Tereza was again reminded of her mother, and regretted everything that had happened between them. If her mother had been one of the anonymous women in the village, she might well have found her easygoing coarseness agreeable

  • From childhood on, Tereza had been ashamed of the way her mother occupied the features of her face and confiscated her I . What made it even worse was that the age-old imperative Love your father and mother! forced her to agree with that occupation, to call the aggression love! It was not her mother's fault that Tereza broke with her. Tereza broke with her not because she was the mother she was but because she was a mother.)

  • No one can give anyone else the gift of the idyll; only an animal can do so, because only animals were not expelled from Paradise. The love between dog and man is idyllic. It knows no conflicts, no hair-raising scenes; it knows no development. Karenin surrounded Tereza and Tomas with a life based on repetition, and he expected the same from them

  • If Karenin had been a person instead of a dog, he would surely have long since said to Tereza, Look, I'm sick and tired of carrying that roll in my mouth every day. Can't you come up with something different? And therein lies the whole of man's plight. Human time does not turn in a circle; it runs ahead in a straight line. That is why man cannot be happy: happiness is the longing for repetition

  • Happiness is the longing for repetition

  • In an idyllic setting, even humor is subject to the sweet law of repetition

  • Both husband and wife agreed that they had no business letting him suffer needlessly. But agree as they might in principle, they still had to face the anguish of determining the time when his suffering was in fact needless, the point at which life was no longer worth living

  • Twilight in the garden, the time between day and evening

  • If we believe in God, he claims, we can take any situation and, by means of our own behavior, transform it into what he calls 'the kingdom of God on earth.'

  • Human decisions are terribly simple

  • Sometimes you make up your mind about something without knowing why, and your decision persists by the power of inertia. Every year it gets harder to change

  • Missions are stupid, Tereza. I have no mission. No one has. And it's a terrific relief to realize you're free, free of all missions

  • The sadness meant: we are at the last station. The happiness meant: we are together. The sadness was form, the happiness content. Happiness filled the space of sadness