Self-awareness = the ability to see ourselves clearly. To understand who we are, how others see us, and how we fit into the world around us
'Know thyself' - Plato
Philosophers and scientists praise the virtues of self-awareness
Self-awareness is one of the most remarkable aspects of being human
'Perhaps most remarkably of all, we gaze inward, piecing together the puzzle of our own unique and marvelous brain ... This, truly, is the greatest mystery of all' - V. S. Ramachandran
The ability to understand ourselves is at the core of human survival and advancement
150,000 years ago, we gained the ability to examine our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, as well as to see things from others' points of view
Self-awareness is the meta-skill of the twenty-first century
There is strong scientific evidence that people who know themselves and how others see them are happier. They make smarter decisions. They have better personal and professional relationships. They raise more mature children. They're smarter, superior students who choose better careers. They're more creative, more confident, and better communicators. They're less aggressive and less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. They're better performers at work who get promotions. They're more effective leaders with more enthusiastic employees. They even lead more profitable companies
The qualities most critical for success in today's world-things like emotional intelligence, empathy, influence, persuasion, communication, and collaboration-all stem from self-awareness
It's easier to choose self-delusion, the antithesis of self-awareness, over the cold, hard truth
Today, there is a growing gap between how we see ourselves and what we really are
Whereas emotional intelligence is primarily about awareness and regulation of emotions in ourselves and others, self-awareness is our internal characteristics that go beyond our emotions - our values, passions, aspirations, fit, patterns, reactions, and impact on others - as well as how we're seen by other people
Internal self-awareness is an understanding of your values, passions, aspirations, ideal environment, patterns, reactions, and impact on others
External self-awareness is knowing how other people see you
Self-awareness is a surprisingly developable skill
George Washington studied every side of important decisions, analyzing how his actions would be perceived. He believed in consulting with our means rather than our wishes. He tempered his ambition with humility and service to the greater good
If self-awareness is a journey, insights are the 'aha' moments along the way
‘No matter what the risk, no matter what she'd have to give up, it was a moral imperative to take a stand. Never again will I run away from something just because I'm scared of the spotlight, she vowed, I've always been a fighter-why not let the world know it? That is who I really am’
Self-awareness isn't a one-and-done exercise
A commitment to self-awareness can help make choices in service of long-term success and happiness. It helps you realize the impact you can have on the world. It helps to find your life's calling. The more people you reach, the bigger difference you can make
'The biggest opportunity for improvement - in business, at home, and in life - is awareness' - Alan Mulally, former CEO of Ford
Help people increase their self-awareness in service of their personal fulfillment and professional success
This book is for anyone who wants to make the leap from self-blindness to self-insight, and in turn reap the rewards of smarter choices, stronger relationships, and a better life
Without insight, how can we chart a course that will bring us joy and happiness? Or create deep and lasting relationships? Or fulfill our true purpose?
Self-awareness is the exquisite foundation to a life well lived, that it is possible to make the journey, and that the courage and effort it takes to get there is well worth it
'The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand' - Frank Herbert
Roman philosopher Plotinus believed that happiness was achieved by knowing our true self
Confucius advised that to govern others, one must first govern oneself
Hindu Upanishads said 'enquiry into the truth of the Self is knowledge'
Jewish faith, self-knowledge has been called 'the prerequisite for any self-improvement'
Avicenna, a 10th century Muslim philosopher, wrote that 'self-awareness is essential to the soul and our awareness of ourselves is our very existence'
Focusing on ourselves doesn't mean that we understand ourselves
People who have a clear understanding of themselves enjoy more successful careers and better lives-they've developed an intuitive understanding of what matters to them, what they want to accomplish, how they behave, and how others see them
Self-awareness is the will and the skill to understand yourself and how others see you
They understood their values (the principles that guide them), passions (what they love to do), aspirations (what they want to experience and achieve), fit (the environment they require to be happy and engaged), patterns (consistent ways of thinking , feeling, and behaving), reactions (the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that reveal their capabilities), and impact (the effect they have on others)
To be truly aware, we can't just understand ourselves; we also need to know how we're seen by others
Developing values - a core set of principles that guide how we want to live our lives - is a first and critical step in becoming self-aware
Benjamin Franklin's principles by which he wanted to live his life: 1. Temperance. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation. 2. Silence. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation. 4. Resolution. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve. 5. Frugality. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing. 6. Industry. Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off unnecessary actions. 7. Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly. 9. Moderation. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve. 10. Cleanliness. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation. 11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable. 12. Chastity. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation. 13. Humility. Imitate Jesus and Socrates
Values define the person we want to be and provide a standard for evaluating our actions
Franklin filled the margins with inspirational quotes from Cicero, the Proverbs of Soloman, and James Thomson
'Do what you love. Know your bone; gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it, and gnaw at it still' - Henry David Thoreau
When we understand our passions - what we love to do - we're finding a bone we can chew on forever
By doing what he loved, Jeff would help others do what they loved (talk about a virtuous circle of self-awareness)
What do you really want out of life?
While goals can leave us feeling deflated and disappointed once we've achieved them, aspirations are never fully completed; we can get up every morning feeling motivated by them all over again
When we determine where we fit, the type of environment we require to be happy and engaged, we get more done with less effort, and end the day feeling like our time was well spent
At the end of the day, is your environment creating energy or taking it away?
Our patterns are our consistent ways of thinking feeling and behaving across situations
Our reactions are the thoughts feelings and behaviors that review our capabilities
When we examine our reactions we don't just uncover our weaknesses sometimes we can discover strengths we never knew we had
Our impact is how our behavior affects others
The Key skill we must develop to read our impact is perspective taking or the ability to imagine what others are thinking and feeling
Zooming out can help you understand you are not the center of the universe and seen other people’s perspective helps you understand the impact of your behavior which helps you then control your behavior
On a scale from 1 to 10, how happy are you with life these days?
‘It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble it's what you know for sure that just ain't so’ - Josh Billings
When it comes to the way we see ourselves we must be braided brave enough to spread our wings, but wise enough not to fly too high
The commitment to learn and accept reality is one of the most significant differences between the self-aware and everybody else
Identify your assumptions
Get into the habit of comparing our past predictions with actual outcomes
A true commitment to ongoing learning, saying to ourselves the more I think I know the more I need to learn, is a powerful way to combat knowledge blindness and improve our effectiveness in the process
Seek feedback on our abilities and behaviors
The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently
Humans can only achieve their potential by seeing themselves with unconditional positive regard
It's far easier to feel wonderful and special than to become wonderful and special
The more delusional we are about our skills and abilities the less likely we are to succeed
There's a fine line between feeling good and willfully ignoring the signal around us
Before you put on your rose-colored glasses and head down the path of persistence, make sure that your path actually leads somewhere
Try focusing less on you and more on engaging and connecting with others
Ask yourself, ‘what am I hoping to accomplish by doing this?’
Appreciate our weaknesses and keep our successes in perspective. Humility is a key ingredient of self-awareness
Just listen
Humble people are objectively more successful in part because their focus on other people makes them more light and respected. They work hard and don't take things for granted. They admit when they don't have the answers. They're willing to learn from others versus stubbornly clinging to their views and as a result people on teams with humble leaders are more engaged more satisfied with their jobs and less likely to leave
Self accepting people understand and forgive themselves for their imperfections
Only people high in self acceptance hold positive views of themselves that are dependent to external validation
Monitor your inner monologue
Each week, write a letter to your future self about the lessons you learned and the changes you want to make
Would I say what I just said to myself to someone whom I like and respect?
Making the decision to humbly but compassionately accept ourselves takes courage
The problem is not not loving the person you find out you are
Discomfort means you're making progress
The more committed you are to building self-awareness the more empathy you learn to extend yourself
‘Why should we not calmly and patiently review our own thoughts?’ - Plato
People who possess greater insight, which is defined as an intuitive understanding of ourselves, enjoy greater, stronger relationships, a clear sense of purpose, and greater self acceptance and happiness
Introspection is consciously examining our thoughts feelings and motives and behaviors
Delve deep into your experiences and emotions to understand why you are the way you are
Adapt a flexible mindset to remain open to several truths and explanations rather than seeking one root cause to explain a broad range of feelings and behaviors
Introspection should be a process of opening curious exploration rather than a search for definitive answers
Asking ‘why?’ reduces our satisfaction with the choices we make
Asking ‘what?’ keeps us open to discovering new information about ourselves even if that information is negative or in conflict with our existing beliefs
If you ask her ‘why?’ you're putting yourself into a victim mentality
Why questions draw to our limitations, what questions help us see our potential. Why question stir up negative emotions, what questions keep us curious. Why questions trap us in our past, what questions help us create a better future
Making the transition from why to what could be the difference between victimhood and growth
Passion ceases to be a passion as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea
Ask yourself, ‘what am I feeling right now?’
Asking what instead of why forces us to name our emotions
The simple act of translating our emotions into language can stop our brains from activating our fight or flight command center and stay in control
When navigating business challenges or solving problems with your team for your organization, asking why is critical
Why questions are generally better to help us understand our environment and what questions are generally better to help us understand ourselves
Explore the negative and don't overthink the positive
Process both our thoughts and our feelings
Think about the conversation from your friends point of you. It will give you immediate insight that helps you understand your friends reaction and gain a more objective perspective on your own
‘The mind can make a heaven of hell and a hell of heaven’ - John Milton
Frequent ruminators are less satisfied with their lives and relationships, feel less in control over their destiny, and are generally less happy
Ask yourself, ‘does anyone else care about this as much as I do?’ Reminding ourselves that people don't generally care about our mistakes as much as we think they do is a rumination buster strategy
We have the power to change your mindset
Even though I made a mistake, the world isn't going to end and it taught me not to do it again
‘Few of us ever live in the present. We are forever anticipating what is to come or remembering what has gone’ - Louis L'Amour
Mindfulness is simply noticing what you're thinking, feeling, and doing without judgment or reaction. The process of actively noticing new things, relinquishing preconceived mindsets, and then acting on our new observations
People prefer to be doing something rather than nothing, even if that something is uncomfortable or downright painful
Instead of being present and mindful, it's easier to occupy ourselves with distractions like email, texts, Facebook, Instagram, Pokémon Go, or whatever happens to be the new fad of the day
Distraction decreases happiness. We lose the ability to monitor and control our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and this makes self-awareness virtually impossible
People who practice mindfulness or happier, healthier, more creative, more productive, more authentic, more in control of their behavior, more satisfied in their marriage, more relaxed, less aggressive, and even thinner
People that practice mindfulness are also less depressed and less upset, and they even had better memories and attention spans
Mindfulness reduces stress, anxiety, and depression because it increases insight
When we are mindful, we experience our emotions without overthinking or overreacting. We remember the way we feel now isn't the way will feel forever
Be a better listener. Embrace a more positive mindset and stop sweating the small stuff
Because mindfulness helps us be more aware of our thoughts and feelings, we can better control our behavior and make smarter decisions in real time
When we quiet our ego, we become more open to feedback from others
Even though it's important to understand how people see us, this does not completely define who we are
Reframing is simply looking at our circumstances, our behaviors, and our relationships for a new and different angle
Instead of focusing on what you're losing, what if you focused on what you might gain
Looking at both the good and the bad from multiple angles will help you maximize your insight and success
Ask, ‘what opportunities can I find? What about my weaknesses could be strengths? When I look back on my career or life what successes have I had in the most trying situations? What is one gift I've gotten from my most challenging personal or professional relationship? What are the potential risks and how could I avoid them? What aspects of my strengths could become weaknesses? What potential challenges can I find in my past successes? What is one risk in my best personal or professional relationship and how can I mitigate it?’
Compare and contrast past experiences to what is happening right now to give us a mental clarity about the present
Daily check-ins don't have to be time-consuming
How did I do today and how do I feel about how today went?
Used daily check-in's to review the choices we made that day. Look for patterns and observe what worked and what didn't
What went well today? What didn't go well? What did I learn and how will I be smarter tomorrow?
If you go with positive ideas you’ll progress, if you get involved in the negative you'll drown
It's not enough to know yourself, you have to set goals and make changes to really live the life you want
Whether we choose to act on our newfound self-insight is the difference between success and stagnation
Focusing on solutions helps us reach our goals in record time
Imagine that tonight as you sleep a miracle occurs in your life. A magical momentous happening that has completely solve this problem and perhaps rippled out to cover and infinitely improve other areas of your life. Think for a moment, how is life going to be different now? Describe it in detail. What is the first thing you'll notice as you wake up in the morning?
Self-awareness can't happen without goals. I define what I need to accomplish
When we express our goals in terms of how we will learn and grow, it opens us up to a whole new level of insight and achievement
Though finding out how others see us can be scary, intimidating, or downright painful, it's far better than the alternative
Other people generally see us more objectively then we see ourselves
Even people you don't know well can be a valuable source of feedback
Even when we’re in possession of information that might make someone uncomfortable, we tend to simply say nothing
People are perfectly willing to tell white lies than the cold hard truth
Other’s opinions are just as important for our insight as our own
We are socially and professionally rewarded for seeking critical feedback
‘Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear’ - Franklin Delano Roosevelt
If we don't understand the behavior we’re getting feedback about, we don't yet have the power to make better choices
The most important characteristic of the right questions is specificity
I think I have the a tendency to come across as timid and non-authoritative when I meet with clients, is that your experience?
Ask yourself what you should start doing, what you're not doing, what to stop doing, what isn't serving you well, and want to continue doing to be successful
To gain insight we also have to learn how to hear the truth, not just listen to it, but really hear it
When we make excuses, explain feedback away, or blame it on bad moods or biases we’re only hurting ourselves
What am I doing that is causing him to see me this way?
There will always be people who say don't climb that high, you will fall. Don't listen to them anymore
If we receive feedback with grace, reflect on it with courage, and respond to it with purpose, we are capable of unimaginable insights from the most unlikely of places
When we hold near negative stereotypes about our abilities and our fear of confirming, they can become a self-fulfilling prophecy even before we receive any sort of feedback
Reminiscing can indeed be a powerful mechanism for self-affirmation
Self-affirmation is most effective when you do it before getting threatening feedback
The best way to manage our weaknesses isn't always clear cut, but the first step is to openly admit them to ourselves and then to others
It takes courage to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than live with thr pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives
The five cornerstones: Objectives - what are they trying to achieve? Progress - how are they doing? Processes - how are they getting there? Assumptions - do they hold true? Individual contributions - what impact does each team member having on The team's performance?
The three building blocks: The leader who molds, the what models the way, psychological safety and an ongoing process
If a team doesn't know where it's headed they’re missing the because of self-awareness
If your team isn't performing as you'd like, the first place to look is at yourself
Trust alone isn't sufficient for psychological safety. Show each other respect and sensitivity.
The single most powerful contributor to psychological safety was vulnerability or a willingness to openly admit our failings
What behaviors will help you achieve your strategy? What kind of environment do you want to create? What do you need to do to make this a safer and supportive team?
What innovations help these productions meet their budget goals? What are some of the specific things we did differently?
People take cues from what they see and observe, not from what we say
Employees are encouraged to call out unproductive behavior and criticizing others behind their back's is a fireable offense
The more honest you are with one another, the easier it becomes to be honest in the future
It's not always that organizations don't have the information, but rather that they can't or won't accept it
What are you pretending not to know?
Adopt the mindset of compassion without judgment
By managing our own reactions we often have more control than we think
The more stress we are under the more unrealistic we tend to be about our abilities, characteristics, and behaviors
We are never truly finished becoming self-aware, that is what makes the journey so exciting
No matter how much insight we've achieved, there's always more to be gained
Insight is pointless if we don't put it in to use
Take one step at a time
All you have to do is take one step at a time and you can do anything
If you woke up tomorrow and everything in that area of life was nearly perfect what would that look like?
Think about what is keeping you from achieving your definition of success and what changes you can make to get there?
What are your values? What do you love to do? What do you want to experience? What environment would make you happy and engaged?